IT’S WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK - 1st - 7th August 2024.
And I stand with every single mama who has attempted feeding their little ones this way.
It’s fucking hard. One of the hardest journey’s of my life in fact, and I’m now so proud to share my experience with you. As many new mums, we get told so much from so many people and if you are anything like me, I heard and so I thought 'breastfeeding is natural and it'll be absolutely fine'.
I'll cut straight to it - our little Violet 'couldn't latch', my nipples were raw, she kept slipping off, her positioning ‘wasn’t right’ and it was making me angry. I was getting aversions to even wanting my baby touching me. How could I have gotten this 'natural' way of feeding' so wrong?
Disclosure: as a Hypnobirthing teacher, I use the term 'natural' very loosely and I am definitely quoting our learned terminology here. It implies that some of our decisions or choices are sometimes 'unnatural' and therefore 'wrong' and I do not for one moment want to give that impression at all.
I was reaching my limit after 5 weeks of trying and one of my best friends asked if we had checked for tongue tie... I had read about tongue tie and although I insisted that the midwives check as soon as she was born, and even though it was SUSPECTED by a student midwife immediately after birth, it unfortunately was denied by an NHS BF consultant when I was still in the hospital after labour, and I was told I just 'wasn't feeding properly', my 'positioning was wrong' and tongue tie has 'nothing to do with baby's lip frenulum'.
I was trying to hand express and use electrical pumps to see if that was easier, I squeezed and massaged my boobs as I was advised, I changed my positioning, unlatched and relatched her every time it felt sore, I tried to have skin to skin as much as possible to encourage safety and security for us both as much as possible, but nothing was working. I started blaming myself and my inability as a mother. Violet was putting on weight so the doctors would say that she wasn't the problem and wouldn't take me seriously when I told them about our struggles. This only exacerbated my feelings and my 'natural' failures.
So, here I was, on the verge of ending my BF journey. I was postnatally depressed and I had had enough.
(Side note: I was so convinced that I wouldn’t be continuing to BF that even on the day that we went private for a tongue tie check, we had a postal delivery of the baby milk machine system at home ready to go! Trust me, I was serious).
Turning point
Here we go. My private consultant, Suzanne, was incredible. She quickly took control of the situation and instantly made me feel at ease. She took my baby in her arms, like she was Rafikki on Pride Rock with Simba, taking one look at Violet and confirmed it. She didn't even need to open Violet's mouth before telling me that we have a 'very severely tongue tied baby'. I burst into tears and I immediately thanked my wonderful BF specialist for validating everything that I knew all along. Suzanne also profusely apologised on behalf of the NHS staff who had led me to believe it was my fault. She performed the tongue tie release procedure (after explaining what was going to happen so sensitively) which was instant, and put Violet straight on my breast. She fed perfectly. I sobbed with so many emotions. Happiness, relief, beauty and validation after weeks of feeling like a failure.
I continued to breastfeed Violet for 16 whole months and I loved our feeds together following her tongue tie release. Together, Danny and I chose to combi-feed Violet (breast & formula - also ALSO - who was there providing info on combination feeding?? I didn’t think I WAS EVEN ALLOWED to do this. That’s for another discussion post…) and that was best for all of us. It gave Danny chance to bond with our daughter in ways that he hadn't been able to before, I got a well needed rest and Violet was fed - everyone was happy! I only had to stop BF because of my MS infusions not being safe for babies (drug transference through my milk) and I was initially gutted, but on reflection, Violet had actually started getting teeth so it was a small blessing in disguise really.
Mama, It’s absolutely your choice in how you want to feed your baby: formula, BF and pumping or combi, but as it's World Breastfeeding Week, I want to take this moment to celebrate breastfeeding. For the mum’s loving breastfeeding, for the mum’s struggling and for the mum’s somewhere in between, you’re doing such an incredible job and your baby is so lucky to have you.
If you've given BF a go and it's not for you and/or baby, that's okay. You've done incredibly well and you have chosen a path that suits you and your family better. I'm proud of you for making that healthy choice.
If you’re in the trenches, I see you and I'm telling you, it does get easier. I'm proud of you for making it this far.
If you’re at the end of your BF journey, I know it’s such a bittersweet feeling. You've done an amazing job and I am proud of you for going further than you thought you could.
And if you're somewhere in the middle, you have doubts or questions, you need to talk it out about ANYTHING, know that you are not alone. Please reach out and keep talking to your loved ones. They want to help and make sure you are well, safe and happy.
To all of the mum's above, I hope you're proud of you too.
Listen, breastfeeding is not for us all, but for all of us who slow danced with it, who lived and breathed it, who decorated our parenting journey's with it, I truly salute you. We'll remember those precious moments no matter how small, for always. I am so grateful that I could give my girl 16 months of us, and what a wonderful gift I gave.
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If talking to a known person is difficult for you, I am always hear to listen to you and there is a particularly wonderful team of people specialising in PND awareness and support, called PANDAS who are available to WhatsApp 8am-10pm daily - 07903508334 and info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
The private tongue tie consultant that was just excellent and will absolutely be getting our custom again, if and when we have more children (because it's highly likely they will also be tongue tied - it's hereditary) was Suzanne Barber at Baby To Breast who I would highly recommend. You can visit her website here https://www.babytobreast.com/ if you are currently having difficulties in this area right now.
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